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HELLO ALBERT, HELLO SPION KOP!
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HELLO ALBERT • ISSUE 27  

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Editorial
Is Rock 'n Roll The New Football?
KR's Tuesday Night Deva Jinx
View From The West Stand
Archaeology Corner
Manic Moment
Home Thoughts From Abroad
Book Review
Decline And Fall Of The Roman Empire


DECLINE AND FALL OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE

The once mighty Roman Legions which used to win away matches all over Europe in their heyday have fallen on hard times. For several years their stalwart soldiers have been reduced to taking jobs in the tourist trade. Many of them have ended up in Chester, an old outpost of the Twentieth Legion. Instead of exciting forays into the Celtic fringe, the military men have to be satisfied with guiding foreign tourists round the ramparts. A boring enough occupation in itself and, even worse, none of them understand a word of Latin.

As if this wasn’t demoralising enough, a new request for mascots down at the Deva Stadium could see a new low for Roman self esteem. At City's match against Northampton this season, a lone Roman sentry patrolled the perimeter of the pitch – even while the match was in play. It looked like he had been poorly briefed by his centurion because he didn’t seem to have much of a clue as to why he should be there.

The Ground Safety Officer had presumably ruled that he had to lead his spear and sword at the turnstile as they might be construed as offensive weapons. This unfortunate decision emasculated any potential role the soldier might have had in crowd control. Just think – if a Roman gladiator could have guarded every gate on to the pitch, trident in one hand and net in the other – pitch invader Ernie would have been trussed up and bundled off to the amphitheatre before he had got anywhere near the referee. Instead the disarmed sentry cut a forlorn figure as he trudged around the pitch to be barracked by home and away fans alike.

For the Bank Holiday match with Rochdale even greater humiliation followed. The poor Roman was given the task of picking handfuls of sweets out of a plastic bag and lobbing them into the crowd. At least Everton’s Toffee Lady has an umbrella to fend off any return fire. This seemed to be the last straw for the beleaguered infantryman who, I believe, has been posted to Offa’s Dyke – the equivalent in the Roman army of Siberia.

It would be a shame if Chester City’s attempt to find a mascot foundered after these half hearted attempts. A Roman guard is a good idea but they must be given their spears back and confined to escorting the teams onto the pitch or tackling the referee in gladiatorial combat if enough people in the directors’ box give the thumbs do

Albert


ISSUE 27 Editorial
Is Rock 'n Roll The New Football?
KR's Tuesday Night Deva Jinx
View From The West Stand
Archaeology Corner
Manic Moment
Home Thoughts From Abroad
Book Review
Decline And Fall Of The Roman Empire
 
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